I want to write great poetry and have my poems published in journals and win awards. But instead of actually sitting down and writing poetry I find myself updating the content on my website or tweaking its design. I spend hours designing instagram posts or a new banner for my newsletter. I get distracted by finding the perfect font pairings for my latest book or researching margin and gutter sizes. It's safe to say I send way more time on all these things than I do on actually writing and editing the poems themselves.
There's a niggling thought here. The thought that perhaps I don't want to be that good. Or maybe, more accurately, that I don't want to put in the work required to be an incredible poet. Or perhaps its not the work but the sacrifices I think I'll have to make in order to be great. Because of course any achievement comes with a cost and a price to pay (but does it? Or is this my brain's self defence telling me it's okay to be mediocre?).
I wonder if I'm willing to pay that cost? If the way I spend my time is anything to go by, at the moment it looks like I'm not. This is a very uncomfortable thought. I'm not sure what to do with it.
Maybe I need to rethink the way I look at writing poetry – gain sustenance from the art of editing and striving to express what I want to say in the best possible way. Find joy in expressing thoughts with sounds. Capture ideas with ink. Fall in love again with words dancing across the page.